sometimes life is so overwhelming, the relationships that we have and build and how they are gone in the blink of an eye and new ones emerge and flourish out of nothing before you can even realize what is happening. how life is the craziest ride and the only secure constant thing is change, and how things are always, always changing. how we are always evolving and how i’m not the same person that i was a year ago, a month ago, last week. how deep down there is this core of me and everything around that core is burning and growing and nothing is the same. how sometimes change comes on so fast and so strong that when i take a second my heart falls into my stomach and my insides open up into this large gaping hole and i get lost in this overwhelming nostalgia and i’m so existential i can’t drink my venti coffee and all i want to do is play old songs that remind me of the summer of 2007 when things were so beautiful and perfect, and i think about how that is probably the happiest time of my life, and will always be. last night i watched my friend say goodbye to her friend that is moving to new york tomorrow. i stayed in the car and watched their silhouettes, in the mist, in the fog, they held each other and their bodies quivered and i could hear muffled i love yous, and i couldn’t help but soak it all in and cry because i know what that feels like, to lose a piece of yourself in a friend to distance. so i pick up my phone and send run on messages to a piece and in the sadness i find comfort because some relationships are built to withstand distance, and distance is nothing at all because distance is only time and space, and some relationships just stick no matter what happens, and pieces of you stick no matter what happens, and when everything falls away and the world crumbles beneath your feet and we have to quit trying to find steady footing in this world because there is nothing sturdy to stand on and we must find the rock and the solace within ourselves and these relationships are just the sweet in all of the sour and we play good music to get us by and watch good films to get us by and we make this life what it is and we have to just quit being ants and just live and just do and just see and just go, and just go, and just keep going.